I’ve posted this short film (5-7 minutes) regarding the interaction between some black women and men. Please take a look at it before you read my comments below.
The video is very moving and the fact is a lot of black men disrespect black women on a daily basis. That behavior is unacceptable and we all bear some form of blame whether we have done some of these things; stood silent when someone else committed these acts; approved of this behavior because you thought he was cute; or, didn’t discipline one of our young boys who exhibited this conduct. Although many men will accept the advice and scolding from black women who are often on the receiving end of these gestures, it’s up to men to step up and call other men out to let them know this is not how any woman should be treated. If we care anything about our communities, it is vital that black women are valued, understood and respected. In this respect, the film illustrated where we as a community (especially black men) are falling short.
Despite the true stories and feelings described, is the film an accurate portrait of how black men treat black women or generalities characterized as the norm? Are black men singled out while other men go unnoticed or undocumented leaving the impression that this behavior can only be found in the black community? Again, it is no secret that black men disrespect women. However, is there empirical data showing that this occurs more in the black community than other communities? The film leaves a distinct impression that this is a “black thing” while women in white, Latino or Asian communities do not receive the same kind of treatment.
Having lived around black men all my life, the majority of black men I know do not objectify women as the film would lead you to believe. In fact, only a few of the men I know act this way. I also have seen a lot of white and Latino men approach and objectify women in this manner at sporting events, nightclubs, college parties, or just walking down the street. Calling women out of their name or putting their hands on women is not exclusive to black men. There are countless situations where white men at college frat parties and NASCAR events or Latinos at the Puerto Rican Day Parade and Cinco de Mayo festivals do not treat women in a respectful manner. The fact that this occurs in every community, including the black community, is not something to be proud of but this film goes out of its way to depict this as something unique to black men.
Finally, by no means were the last paragraphs an attempt to dismiss the feelings of the women in this film. If we are committed to building strong black communities, the manner in how we treat each other is an essential step in this process. Again, black men need to step up and put an end to the way black women are treated by other black men. We, as black men, owe that much to our daughters, mothers, sisters, grandmothers, aunts, cousins and friends.
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2 comments:
I do agree that the film does not do a very good job of being objective and showing the full-range of black female/male interactions, but in a time when black interpersonal relationships are at their all-time shakiest, I can't say that that should be our ultimate concern. As an 8th grader, I witnessed my good friend being abused at the hands of her boyfriend; my D.C. tenure taught quickly to tune out relentless catcalls;a teammate once told me that she didn't feel right if a potential suitor didn't "snatch or grab" her in the club. I understand the concern you've raised, but I feel that sometimes we neglect our daughters in an effort to protect our protect our sons. I, too, know many upstanding black men that would be incensed if likened to anything remotely resembled in the video: to them I say: sorry, it may be a slanted viewpoint, but it's not make-believe. I know too many young ladies who don't understand their value and mistake misogynistic treatment for positive attention. If anyone's feelings are hurt, go find a brother you know that does behave in such a manner and show him the proper way. Yes, other races have disrespectful men. Does that negate the disrespect that blacks self-inflict? I would worry about all the different nationalities of disrespectful men, but don't have time right now, currently I have to spend time listening to Nelly justify his creation of "Tip Drill to his daughter.
Wow. This video really surfaced so many painful memories buried since junior high school regarding how some Black men are capable of behaving and how I agonized over my too often disempowered responses. I think it's unfair to say this film goes out of its way to depict this as something unique to black men. It's honestly depicting a very real and painful aspect of relations between black men and women that need to end. Not to sound like 'ill Cosby, but Black people no longer have a private cultural space to critique our community and our situation is too dire to keep crying foul about airing dirty laundry or not giving equal time to focus on the ills of other communities. There are women in those communities writing their stories of disrespect as well. As a community, we need to focus on healing ourselves. I am tired of living in a world where up close and personal, and in media reflections, I have come to feel that too many black men and women sincerely do not like or respect each other. Enough. I only hope there are many more enlightened Black men like you who are willing to be a force for positive change. I plan to teach my daughter to love and respect Black men and I hope she is part of a generation that includes many young men who are quite worthy of her feelings.
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